FAITH

 

I've been raised in the church since I was a baby, my parents took us to church every Sunday without fail. We were active in everything, Sunday School, Bible School, Youth Group, you name it, we were in it. I was raised in a Lutheran church for most of my life and then whenever I was in 9th grade my parents made the tough decision to look for another church to call home. Unfortunately, the one we were at was preaching things we did not agree with and there was no longer anything there for us as kids. I think it was during this time that my faith started to spiral downward and the older I got the more I got away from church and found excuses not to go. I had to work, I didn't feel good, I stayed at college that weekend, etc etc. We did find a new church whenever I was in 9th/10th grade, I can't remember exactly how old I was. It's a Baptist church and we have been there ever since and I absolutely love it there! Obviously this is back in PA and we are currently in CA so it's been many many months since I've been there. I believe in God and I have my whole life but my faith has definitely been tested over the years and it's not as strong as I would like it to be. 

Anybody who told you life was going to be easy was telling you a BIG FAT LIE! Life is not easy, it is full of ups and downs and sometimes I question why God puts me through some of the things he does. I ask What am I suppose to be learning from this and how is this helping me? I have to say that some of things I've gone through have made me a much stronger person and a more independent woman. I think back to when my husband (boyfriend at the time)& I broke up for a few months while he was in Japan...I thought my life was OVER, I didn't know what I was going to do. I mourned the loss of the relationship for awhile and then I got back up on my feet and said to myself...I am going to make something of myself, I am going to finish my Bachelors degree and by golly I did just that. I enrolled in classes at Penn State and got a new job to work while in school and I was so happy. I met so many amazing people during that time in my life and I made friends who I will never forget even though they are so incredibly far away from me right now, they are near and dear to my heart.  I experienced so much in those 2 years and I am forever grateful for that time and I have come to realize that out of bad situations come even greater ones. I learned so much about who I was and what I wanted in my life because I just focused on ME and nobody else for once. As the story goes...my husband and I got back together and ended up getting married a year later and we made it through another deployment only this time he wasn't in Japan, he was in Afghanistan. To this day, I really don't know how I made it through that deployment without completely losing my mind! I chalk it up to having a great job where I was surrounded by amazing women each and every day along with an amazing family. It also helped that I had school to distract me as well! 

I've had a job since I was 16 years old....and I haven't worked since we moved out here in May WELL..I have been substitute teaching but honestly that isn't doing it for me. You never know if you will have a job each week or how many days you will have, etc etc. It's frustrating. We live in the middle of nowhere...trust me Jcounty was the middle of nowhere but at least you could just hop on the highway and in 40 mins later you were in Harrisburg, out here it's not like that at all!! The more educated you are, the harder time you have finding a job. I've had some really low days, just down right frustrating because I am not working and I am not contributing to this marriage financially and that is REALLY a tough pill for me to swallow..I HATE IT! Okay, yeah I take care of the house....but sorry that doesn't pay me in cash and I would be doing that regardless. Thank goodness I started grad classes. I keep telling myself that something is bound to work out....until then I will just focus all my energy on doing well in school.

The whole point of all this babble is that I have come to realize even through the really bad times, something good is bound to come out of it and I could be much worse off than I am. I try to be thankful for all that I have and not focus on the things I do not have. I know God has a great plan for me.  Patience is not one of my strong points but I just have to have faith that he will answer my prayers soon. He does things a certain way for a reason and I just have to continue to have faith! 

xoxo, 

Sarah P.